MRR Break??

I'm back!!! after stopping from blogging on nov 2005, I finally managed to haul my ass in front of my laptop and begin typing something again. well... not really haul my ass because i'm always in front of my laptop anyways, but that sort of happened in my mind.

Well, I'm back in school. taking my masters crap. actually, this is a vacation from work. coz i'm not pushing myself too much as i would if i'm working. funny thing is that my professors are expecting me to push myself. tough luck! I'm enjoying my life right now. not to mention I'm in the top 10 roster in class. *ahem ahem*

right now is what the program calls an MRR break. (MRR: Management Research Report; it's our paper in school that we're supposed to submit at the end of the program as a pre-requisite for the degree.) I've been staring at my computer thinking of how to go about finishing my paper coz that's what i'm supposed to do during the MRR break. (MRR Break: a break from school classes to work on the MRR)

weird thing is, my brain kind of thought that this break is really a break. so it went on vacation -- AWOL. i think it omitted some words in the definition of MRR break. it became:
MRR Break: a break from MRR.

I'm supposed to come up with something already before my meeting with my proponent tomorrow at 0930H. So, i guess i'm not sleeping tonight....

Being Twenty-Something.

They call it the 'Quarter-life Crisis.'

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing thatthere are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You startrealizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that youthought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you haveever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the mostimportant ones.What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job.... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that youare going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk withyour friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make adecision.

You worry about loans, money, the future,and making a life for yourself.... And while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.... What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we canto figure this whole thing out. There you have it. Isn't it nice to know that you're not the only one who's being haunted by changes and the past? I'm saying this to you as well as tomyself: Move forward. Do not be afraid. Let the change take place and be thankful for it. Don't cling to the past just because you're comfortable with it. Let life take place. Embrace it. Love it. Find yourself and don't be afraid of who you are meant to be."

You aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to lookcheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make adecision. You worry about loans, money, the future, and making a life for yourself.... And while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.... What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we canto figure this whole thing out.

blurred vision

missing direction

i find myself doing 4 different things at a time
multi-tasking or torture?

mis-direction

been wanting to leave.
leave our house
leave the company
leave the country
so far... haven't done any of the above

my direction

no idea where i'm heading.
why?
i want a lot of things
a lot = too many?
too many different things?
my hunger for them is insatiable
is it an insatiable hunger or an addiction?

i try to look straight. calm. dead silence.
i can't do it.
i can't stand it for more than a minute
i have to move.
i have to look for something else
i have to look at something else.

the 90/10 principle. true but duh...

i got this off a forwarded mail. i believe it is. but hmm...

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life.
What is the 90/10 Principle?10% of life is made up of what happens to you.90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean?We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. Adriver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%.

The other 90% is different.You determine the other 90%.How? By your reaction.You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction.Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.You are eating breakfast with your family.Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. Youhave no control over what just what happened.What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. Youcurse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. Shebreaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse andcriticize her forplacing the cup too close to the edge of the table.A short verbal battle follows.You storm upstairs and change your shirt.Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busycrying to finish breakfast and get ready for school.She misses the bus.Your spouse must leave immediately for work.You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speedlimit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, youarrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without sayinggoodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find youforgotyour briefcase.Your day has started terribly.As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you finda small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why?Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee.How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here iswhat could have and should have happened.Coffee splashes over you.Your daughter is about to cry.You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful nexttime." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs.After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down intimeto look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. Sheturns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet thestaff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?Two different scenarios.Both started the same.Both ended different.Why? Because of how you REACTED.You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't bea sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!React properly and it will not ruin your day.A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, gettingstressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?Do you lose your temper?Pound on the steering wheel?A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off!Do you curse?Does your blood pressure skyrocket?Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later atwork?Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.You are told you lost your job.Why lose sleep and get irritated?It will work out.Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Whytake out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no controlover what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the otherpassenger.Why get stressed out?It will just make things worse.Now you know the 90-10 principle.Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.You will lose nothing if you try it.The 90-10 principle is incredible.Very few know and apply this principle.The result?Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials,problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life.Bad days follow bad days.Terrible things seem to be constantly happening.There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worryconsumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is notenjoyed to thefullest.Friends are lost.Life is a bore and often seems cruel.Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.You can be different!Understand and apply the 90/10 principle.It will change your life.Have a Great Day & and even Greater Tomorrow!

Exactly What I'm Feeling Right Now

(lyrics of Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan) Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screaming No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels alright You don't know what it's like to be like me To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out? Are you desperate to find something more Before your life is over? Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With the big fake smiles and stupid lies While deep inside you're bleeding No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels alright You don't know what it's like to be like me To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life No one ever lied straight to your face And no one ever stabbed you in the back You might think I'm happy But I'm not gonna be ok Everybody always gave you what you wanted You never had to work it was always there You don't know what it's like What it's like To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like (what it's like) To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Welcome to my life Welcome to my life

what?!?!

Mmmm... Mmmm...
(humming sound)
i've been hearing dis humming sound
For 2 months now...
As my mind inch away from reality
My brain hums n whirs
running only on fumes
Anticipating d moment dat everything will just fail
need to sign... Chico n delamar... The mummy... Mmm... Ma'am! What???
Can't keep myself from zoning out
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry…

Too young

they try to tell us we're too young....
(a line from the song Toyang of Eraserheads)

am i asking too much?
working your @ss off

wanting to have more...

striving to be more...

being more than what you can be...

giving more than what they expect...

caring more than what they expect...

until you find yourself at the highest peak ...

then what?!?!

where to go now?

wait one minute child... you're just plainly too young to get on the clouds...